Sometimes, scary is good
I’ve been meaning to start a blog for ages. I didn’t know what to post about. My interests come and go, and I don’t consider myself to be an expert in any one thing. I used to have a blog, I didn’t really get out of my comfort zone… I found I was just repeating things other people had said, and adding that “I totally agree.”
I often do that when I comment on people’s blogs. I chime in and say in a happy tone “me too!” I don’t often disagree or get angry.
Then twice over the course of this winter, I posted a comment with my own thoughts and somehow got passionate about the topic. I didn’t realize I had any thoughts of my own (OK that was a bit of a joke), and I’ve always thought of myself as a really rational agreeable person (I gave up anger when I was a child, I realized that my parents would discipline me whenever I dug my fingernails into my sister’s arm or hit her over the head.)
The first comment was on Fabulously Broke’s blog, when she wrote an entry about people who say “we should hang out sometime” and then never follow through. I left a comment, then went back the next day, a little worried that I might have seemed angry at her, and she’d written a post called Social Rules to not making empty promises and to mean what you say – and mentioned me by name.
The second time this happened, was a few days ago. I’d recently discovered a blog about friendship, called MWF Seeking BFF. I’ve always been interested in trying to become closer to my friends, but never told anyone because they might think I’m a friendless loser, so this was a wonderful blog for me to read. A few days ago I left a comment on her blog that may also have been a bit too passionate for comfort, and she posted a reply! BFF Breakups: How Much Explanation is Necessary.
Both times, I went back to the blog the next day a little sheepish, and hoped my comment hadn’t offended anyone. I think I hoped it hadn’t made me look vulnerable. Both times when I saw that it was a reply to my comment, my jaw dropped and I frantically searched for something to read that wouldn’t make me feel any confusing emotions or anything.
I’m not entirely sure what it is… pride and vulnerability at the same time. The fear of being able to influence people. And a feeling that this is distinctly out of my comfort zone – in a good way.
Both comments were about the same topic (friendship and communicating with people) which is something I’ve tried to teach myself for about 10 years. I have my own opinions about things, and apparently I can contribute to discussions on the topic. I even have emotions! This is definitely the topic I need to write my blog about. It’s scary – but good.